


If You See My Reflection in the Snow Covered Hills

by spaceprincessem



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale is a Nice Thing, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Stiles Stilinski Deserves Nice Things, Stiles Stilinski is a Nice Thing, Texting, season 5 fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceprincessem/pseuds/spaceprincessem
Summary: Once he was gone he didn’t expect to hear from anyone in Beacon Hills. It wasn’t like he was trying to cut away his life completely, but it was easier to leave things behind when they didn’t reach out for him. He had made it up the coast, two days out from his old home when his phone buzzed brightly in the dim light of his hotel room.S: I found your initialsDerek frowned as he reread the four words wondering what the hell Stiles was going on about. He tried to remember all of the places he had left his mark in the town and why it was so important that Stiles was telling him about it at one in the morning.S: Senior scribe, the library shelves. The D.H. could have only been one person.
Relationships: Derek Hale & Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 15
Kudos: 470





	If You See My Reflection in the Snow Covered Hills

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for two reasons. One: Because season 5 has been absolute shit and I miss Derek and please let my poor baby Stiles rest. Two: The scene where Stiles is staring at Derek's initials actually kills me and makes me cry every time I watch it so I had to write something for it

“Are you sure you want to leave? Beacon Hills won’t be the same without you.”

Derek glanced up, settling his gaze on the big, Bambi brown eyes looking right at him. The casualness in the tone was unwavering, but after years of discovering the subtleties of Stiles Stilinski, Derek could just make out a breath of something more. It was an easy question with an easy enough answer, but the unspoken complications nestled between them, because Derek could see the real question in the depths of the amber orbs still watching him carefully.

_Stay_?

Derek will never understand how one look could make him feel so undone. So naked. So vulnerable. It was unfair, really, because Derek had made the decision to leave it all behind in the quietness of the preserve. His resolve had been steady, but now? Now he was suddenly questioning every decision he ever made that somehow brought him here. He wasn’t supposed to care or feel whatever it was he was feeling for the boy that stumbled into his life almost four years ago by pure dumb luck. 

He could have asked why Stiles wanted him to stay even after all they had been through. But, really, Derek already knew that answer. So, it was easier to leave than face down the last of his demons. Running away was something Derek was good at. Might as well add _this_ to the list of things he had run from. He just needed to leave Beacon Hills. He wanted to breathe freely and not look back. There were so many things that were weighing him down and he wished that _this_ was enough to make him stay.

God, did he want to. He really wanted to. He was so close to just calling the whole thing off and running towards the only thing that made him feel like he really belonged. 

But he didn’t.

“Maybe you’ll see me around these hills again someday.”

It was probably a lie, but neither Scott nor Stiles called him on it. The flecks of gold swirling in the amber, brightened by the fading sunlight began to dull, the smile growing tighter around those beautifully soft lips. Derek felt a pain in his chest, but knew it was too late to reach out. This was his decision and he couldn’t go back on it now.

“You know you’ll always be pack.” Scott said, breaking the tension as he held out his hand for Derek to shake. “We’ll be here waiting if…” The rest of the sentence died on his lips

_If you want to come home_

“Thanks.” Derek replied, shaking Scott’s hand. “Try to stay out of trouble.”

Scott gave him a wry smile, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s Beacon Hills, what could possibly go wrong?”

Derek just nodded his head and Scott stepped back, suddenly pretending to be very interested in a leaf that was resting on top of the Jeep. Neither Derek nor Stiles moved closer. Derek wondered when he stopped craving the silence. Stiles was a man of many words, but now he seemed to have lost most of them.

“Stay safe, Sourwolf.” He finally offered, lips curled into a half smile. 

It was still there in his eyes. Pleading, for a different answer. Derek knew Stiles wouldn’t blame him entirely for leaving, but there was no mistaking the hint of betrayal there.

“If you ever need to get out of town for a while…” Derek offered.

And maybe Stiles knew Derek just as well because the hard edges of his eyes softened, reading through the lines of the offer.

_You could come with me, if you want_

Derek already knew the answer though because Stiles wasn’t one to give up and there were too many unfinished pieces left to put together. 

“Maybe next time.” Stiles said with a small nod of his head.

Somehow, Derek knew that wasn’t a lie at all.

-

Once he was gone he didn’t expect to hear from anyone in Beacon Hills. It wasn’t like he was trying to cut away his life completely, but it was easier to leave things behind when they didn’t reach out for him. He had made it up the coast, two days out from his old home when his phone buzzed brightly in the dim light of his hotel room.

_S: I found your initials_

Derek frowned as he reread the four words wondering what the hell Stiles was going on about. He tried to remember all of the places he had left his mark in the town and why it was so important that Stiles was telling him about it at one in the morning.

_S: Senior scribe, the library shelves. The D.H. could have only been one person._

Derek smiled fondly at the memory. It had been one of the last normal days in his life as a teenager before he was swept away to New York with Laura. Before his life had turned into a never ending nightmare. He thought about texting Stiles back, but firmly decided against it. He was supposed to be leaving Beacon Hills behind and that, no matter how much it hurt, included Stiles.

_S: Of course Beacon Hills couldn’t even give us one day of normalcy, as Scott was promptly attacked by an assassin_

Derek snorted at the comment, not overly worried as Stiles wouldn’t just casually mention it if everyone wasn’t safe. 

_S: I guess I can understand why you left. This place really is the worst_

Derek waited for more, but after fifteen minutes he figured Stiles had said everything he wanted. He wondered if Stiles was looking for a response, disappointment swallowing him when he hadn’t received one from Derek. He was almost asleep when his phone buzzed again.

_S: Your initials were just a stupid reminder that you’re not here._

_S: I hate that I miss you_

Derek tried not to let the ache in his chest hurt too much as he rolled over onto his side, failing to fall back asleep.

-

It was another week before he had heard from Stiles again. He had thought the moment in the hotel had been a dream. He’d been too afraid to scroll through the messages on his phone, proving that they had been real. It was easier to dismiss them as fantasy than face the reality of his feelings.

He hated how much he missed Stiles too.

He forced himself further north, the sunny weather bleeding into grey clouds and soft rain against his Camaro. Derek had always liked the rain. It was peaceful, soothing. He had just made it to the small cottage along the coastline where he would be saying when his phone buzzed in his back pocket.

_S: Scott’s too trusting._

Derek grunted in agreement. He didn’t even know what Stiles was talking about, but he knew the words were true. Scott, while a good person, trusted people way too easily. Derek knew he had his own trust issues, but he had come to understand what people could be like. 

_S: Old “friend” is back in town and of course as soon as I say something, everyone thinks I’m crazy_

_S: Funny, how many times I’ve been right about certain people_

Derek couldn’t understand why Stiles was still texting him. He hadn’t made any indication that he had even seen the messages or that this was still Derek’s number. Stiles also had a pack full of friends he could turn to and talk about his problems. Even if Scott was being a dick Stiles still had Lydia. He had Malia and Kira and Liam, who was the newest addition to the McCall pack. So why wasn’t he turning to one of them? Derek wanted to be annoyed by it, but he’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t flutter every time his phone buzzed and that familiar name popped up on the screen.

_S: God, maybe I’m turning into you. Someone has to be overly paranoid I suppose_

Derek tried not to think about that implication as he tucked his phone away. That’s why he escaped. He wanted to be free and live a life where he wasn’t constantly looking over his shoulder. He frowned when he realized Stiles didn’t really have that choice anymore.

-

The next text came only three days later while Derek was eating breakfast in a small dinner somewhere in the middle of Oregon.

_S: As if life couldn’t get any weirder our newest foes call themselves the Dread Doctors!_

_S: What kind of grade A bullshit is that?_

Derek snorted into his coffee, earning him a look from a couple sitting up at the counter. He took a sip, pretending not to notice as he watched the next text slide onto his screen.

_S: I can’t wait to see what this stupid town comes up with next if we survive this one_

Derek could pick out the sarcasm and imagined Stiles’ voice dripping with it, amber eyes rolling as he gestured wildly with his hands. His smile only lasted for a moment as he thought about what Stiles had said. _If we survive this one_. There was a very real possibility that Stiles would not, in fact, survive this new horror. Derek pushed his half eaten breakfast away, his appetite suddenly gone. He couldn’t imagine returning to Beacon Hills if Stiles was gone. Hell, he couldn’t imagine being in a world where Stiles didn’t exist. The thought was unbearable. Derek quickly dropped cash on the table, practically bolting from the dinner, before he let his panic swallow him whole.

-

It wasn’t until Derek had found a small cabin in the beautiful secluded forest of Washington that Stiles had reached out to him again. He had bought the cabin, finding the town that was just a half hour away the perfect place to try and start a new life. He had the woods, he had his quiet, and most of all no one knew who he was. They all smiled as he passed, letting him be without questions or concerns. Derek loved it. He felt relaxed and at ease as he settled by the fire late at night after a day of hiking or reading on his front porch. It had been a week since Stiles had texted him. He vaguely wondered if the Dread Doctors had been taken care of, trying not to dwell on the idea that if Stiles wasn’t texting him then maybe something bad had happened. 

_S: Fuck._

_S: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK._

Derek felt his breath hitching in his throat, nearly dropping his phone as he read the message.

_S: I messed up. This is bad. So bad. Fuck. Scott is going to hate me. I don’t know what to do. What the fuck do I do? I’m going to lose my best friend in the middle of all of this bullshit and FUCK_

Derek’s fingers were hovering over the keyboard, mind reeling at what he should do. His heart was in his throat and he desperately wanted to know what was wrong. Why was Stiles reaching out to him? Was he hurt? Was he in trouble? What had happened that he was so afraid of losing Scott?

_S: God, Derek, I hate this stupid fucking town so much sometimes. Am I a monster? Is that what it’s made me?_

_S: It was just self defense! That thing was going to kill me. It was just self defense, right? RIGHT?_

Derek took in a deep breath, putting the pieces together. He knew Scott was against killing anyone or anything if they could help it. It sounded like Stiles had killed something in self defense and was having a complete breakdown over it.

_S: I don’t even know if this is your number anymore, but I needed to tell someone. I need…_

_S: Fuck. I don’t know what I need._

Derek held the phone in his hands, desperately wanting Stiles to tell him he wanted Derek to come home.

That text never came though.

-

Six am the next morning Derek’s phone buzzed.

_S: I’m still alive._

_S: If you care._

_S: Which, maybe you never did_

Derek left it on the table as he sprinted out into the woods, shifting into his full form. He didn’t return for three days.

-

Derek figured that was the last time Stiles would text him. He swung his axe down, splitting the wood with more force than necessary. Derek had cared. Of course he fucking cared about Stiles. He cared more about him than anyone else in this stupid world.

But, he had chosen to leave. 

So, maybe Stiles had been right. 

Fuck him. Fuck the way he always ran into danger to defend his friends. Fuck how many times he had saved Derek with little regard for his own safety. Fuck his fragile human body. Fuck his clever mind. Fuck his beautiful doe brown eyes. Fuck his bright smile and his sharp laugh. Fuck the way he made Derek feel like he wasn’t alone. Fuck Stiles for making Derek think it was possible to fall in love again. 

_S: Tell me why I started crying when Landslide played on the radio_

Derek couldn’t stop the small smile curling on his lips.

_S: Tell me why I miss you so fucking much that it hurts to breathe when I realize you’re not coming back_

Derek wished he could. 

-

He hadn’t been driving to anywhere in particular, just driving. The rain was coming down in a light drizzle. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the radio, so when he felt tears prick in his eyes he was surprised. He reached up, gently wiping away one that had escaped down his cheek. He reached down, turning the volume up. He pulled off onto an overlook, slipping his phone out of his pocket. He hadn’t received a new text in over a month.

_D: I miss you too_

_Landslide_ played softly in the background.

-

He didn’t know what to expect when he crossed the county line, the faded sign welcoming him to the place he had desperately wanted to leave behind. The sun didn’t expand and swallow him whole. The ground didn’t open up, pulling him towards its depths. The tall pines of the forest didn’t close in around him, preventing an escape. There were no screams of bloody murder or menecing glowing eyes staring back at him from the shadows. The soft grey clouds just moved lazily across the sky, a cool breeze swirling the shades of reds and yellows along the road.

He thought maybe he would feel like a failure for returning. All roads inevitably led back to here. He was terrified the weight in his chest would crush him the closer he got, but that feeling never came. He rolled down the window, breathing in deeply. It was still Beacon Hills. The same strange and mysterious town that attracted the extremely wicked and deadly. But, it was also something else. 

It held his worst memories, but also his new beginnings.

He didn’t know exactly where he was going, but somehow he ended up at the edge of the preserve, the ruins of his old family home just beyond the trees. He didn’t hesitate as he moved through the pines, a familiar heartbeat filling his ears. It was one he ached to hear every night as he lied in bed. One he had memorized and that would be imprinted in his mind forever. It was soothing and a little bit quickened.

But that was normal for Stiles.

He was sitting on the second step of the porch, tossing rocks into the distance. His amber brown eyes looked at Derek carefully, like he wasn’t believing this was real. Derek had never texted more than the one message that told Stiles he missed him too. There were no promises or declarations of coming back, but Derek knew there never needed to be. Derek took a step forward, his eyes falling over Stiles. He’d only been gone a couple of months and Stiles looked mostly the same, but he also looked different too.

More guarded. More haunted Tired. Always tired. 

Still beautiful. Still soft and magical in his own way. 

Still able to take Derek apart with just one look of those doe eyes.

“You came back.”

It was a little bit broken, a little bit full of hope. 

Derek smiled softly. “I heard _Landslide_ on the radio.”

There it was, like the sun parting the clouds on a cold day, a smile curling against Stiles’ lips. Derek held his breath, basking in the wonders and light that was the boy in front of him.

“Did you cry?” He asked, eyebrow cocking slightly. Still a little shit.

“No.” Derek scoffed immediately because he would not give into Stiles that easily.

“Liar.” 

Stiles was grinning now and Derek only had a moment to take it all in before Stiles was launching himself into Derek’s arms. Derek pulled him closer, inhaling deeply, his nose brushing against the mess of dark hair. Stiles only held on tighter, fingers digging into Derek’s jacket, his body trembling in Derek’s hold. They stood together for a long while, just holding on to each other. Derek wanted to say so many things, but he was never good with words. That was always Stiles’ forte.

“Stay?”

This time the question wasn’t asked with his eyes. It was barely the breath of a whisper, hot against Derek’s ear. This time the answer wasn’t a no. Derek pulled Stiles around until their lips met. Sweet, gentle, and a little bit desperate. Derek couldn’t explain it, but somehow it felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> The "Landslide" thing actually came from a personal experience haha I was driving home and it played and I may have started crying for no reason so, I felt like it fit in this fic. I don't really know what I wanted to achieve, but I just feel like Stiles has no one to talk to and that bothers me so he's gonna talk to Derek dammit (I still have to force myself to finish the season). And I thought about leaving this on Derek not coming back, but I can't bring myself not to give them a happy ending. Let me know your thoguhts!


End file.
